Updating my info in our data. Rabbi, it feels
surreal! And, even now, I can feel I’m “tiptoeing” on the floor whenever I’m
walking in the office, seeing myself walking on a very thin ice (yeah, I’m
quite dramatic and can’t get rid the drama queen syndrome when I’m panicking
haha). What I’m feeling right now, are indescribable, I’m in fear, but at the
same time, I’m telling myself, this is the process, this is the choice I've made. I have to own every good and bad thing happened from my choice.
Somehow, I should give myself a space to digest the whole process and learn
from it. Along the way, I might lose my mind, I might cry, regret with the
decision that I have made but at the same time, I might feel happy because I’m
learning a new thing/skill, happy to be able to improve myself, might become an
avid reader also haha because I’m forcing myself to read lol without sound
knowledge, how can I become better person, right? Well, whenever I’m in
distress, I can go for retreat… and looking for a good mountain within my
capacity to hike lol most importantly, I also have Allah to guide me too. Auliya’s
mother said, I should be grateful first with the opportunity given and then,
Insha Allah, Allah’s help is always there. Inna Ma'al Usri Yusra. Nevertheless, I also silently
pray to Allah too with my whole heart – may this choice bring me closer to Him by relying more onto Him. May this choice bring more kindness and act as an investment for my akhirat. I can be quite positive now haha as I have no other choice from thinking
more relevantly and work on it haha being panic and feeling down for too long can’t help me from anything at
this juncture, however, you may see that one day, my status may be in dark
version haha
p/s: Glad that I have close
circles that also said kind words to my concerns. You know who you are, and I
pray you will always in Allah’s care.
